So, we are in the second round of the Southern section, also known as the Confederacy. While the first round only had a few upsets, who knows what the second round will bring. California, Texas and Illinois are considered juggernauts. But what about New Jersey, Missouri, or Rode Island? It’s hard to say. To find out, you’ll have to read on:
#1 California vs. #9 New Jersey
California. In terms of professional sports teams, they have the following teams: San Diego Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, Oakland Raiders, Oakland A’s, San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Dodgers, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, San Diego Padres, San Diego Chargers, Anaheim Duck, Los Angeles Kings, San Jose Sharks, Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Clippers and Los Angeles Lakers. That’s an impressive array of teams. By the sheer number of teams, they have to have a few good teams in the group in any given year. On the other side of the country, New Jersey has the following: New York Jets, New York Giants, New Jersey Nets, and New Jersey Devils. Since they have Eli Manning and “Mangenius”, the New “Jersey” teams look respectable. But let’s be honest, the Nets are moving to Brooklyn and the New York football teams don’t even respect the state of New Jersey enough to allow their names to reflect the true locations of their football teams home games.
With this being the case, California feels obligated to not just play the Stanford back-up secondary but to also bring out some of the states other amazing features. That’s why they felt they should at least play the Sierra Nevada Mountains, the beaches of SoCal and the wines of Napa Valley. By allowing the Garden State boys to have a few too many glasses of Pinot Noir, California is able to buy the Meadowlands for a cheap price, find Jimmy Hoffa’s body, and win going away. At this point, California is just hoping these victories aren’t too much like the UNC wins in the East Regional during the most recent NCAA tournament.
California beats New Jersey 89 to 67.
# 12 South Carolina vs. #13 Rhode Island
South Carolina vs. Rhode Island. This may be one of the least interesting match-ups of all time. Neither team is even sure how they got here. I guess it was through luck and interesting seeds handed out to the teams ahead of them. Either way, how do South Carolina and Rhode Island match-up? Neither state has a team in the 4 major leagues, though both have minor league baseball. However, according to the always correct Wikipedia, “South Carolina has no major professional franchise of the NFL, NHL, NBA, or MLB located in the state; however the NFL’s Carolina Panthers (based in Charlotte, North Carolina), and the NHL’s Carolina Hurricanes (based in Raleigh, North Carolina) represent both Carolinas. In addition, the Panthers played their first season in Clemson, and they and the NBA’s Charlotte Bobcats maintain training facilities near Wofford College in Spartanburg and Fort Mill in York County, respectively.” Rhode Island’s page says nothing about how the New England Patriots represent the people of Rhode Island. Since, as I said, Wikipedia always has all vital information, I’m guessing the Patriots want nothing to do with Rhode Island (except take their money, of course). So, with that said, I have to give the victory to the great state of South Carolina.
Much like Obama’s landslide win in the state, South Carolina wins 55% of the vote to Rhode Island’s 27%, with a pesky John Edwards somehow sticking around to garner 18%.
#6 Washington DC vs. #3 Illinois
DC, the city of politicians. What type of teams are from DC? There is Georgetown, the Hoyas who have had success under John Thompson and John Thomson III. They have Alexander Ovechkin, one of the greatest current players in the NHL. They have Gilbert Arenas, who in his own mind, is better than any other NBA player. Basically, DC has a lot of talent in the athletic pool. What does Illinois have to offer? In the political realm, almost every governor in Illinois history has been sent to jail at least one time. DC, on the other hand, doesn’t have quite the history of mayors going to jail. You have to give it to any state who successfully elects 5 men for governor who are later indicted by the federal government. Plus Illinois has Rashard Mendenhall, who is guaranteed to be the greatest running back in the history of the NFL.
Illinois, Mendenhall, and Juice Williams beat DC 49 to 7 by successfully running the same amazing spread-option offense that beat #1 ranked Ohio State last football season.
# 7 Missouri vs. #2 Texas
Wow, two states that are completely unlikable. There is Mizzou, with that terrible team the St. Louis Cardinals, vs. the state that brought us George W. How can any body be proud of the latter accomplishment. Missouri, on the other hand, is the state that brought the American public the underrated Harry Truman. Texas is saved in the political realm by being the home state of LBJ, who did some amazing things as President, the Vietnam War not withstanding. But you, our dear tgiab.com readers, would hate if these contests were decided on politics alone. In the sports world, the Cowboys are the self-proclaimed America’s team while the Cardinals are the second most successful major league baseball team of all team. With 10 World Series victories, any Chicago sports fan would be jealous. Also, it’s hard to like any state that openly wants to have Terrell Owens and Pacman Jones on their team. In fact, it actually disgusts me. Probably more so than the Baltimore Ravens acceptance of Ray Lewis. I hear Chris Henry is available, so I’m guessing he will have a star on his helmet soon enough. That is an important factor in this battle. In the end, by being the better political home of Truman and the home of my hated, but respected, Cardinals, the state of Missouri pulls off the upset over the heavily favored Texas and their unrespectable “stars.”
Mizzou wins in a big upset, when Mizzou surprisingly blocks Tyus Edney’s last second shot (I don’t care if he’s from California and not Texas), 82 to 81.
Filed under: NCAA/State Tourney
